Irresistable Revolution

“But I will say that It’s past time for men of color who consider themselves allies to women of color, who recognize that their freedom can’t come at the expense the women who share their history, to meditate on and interact with the words, the ideas, the actions of the women of their communities. Its time for them to contemplate something deeper and more profound than “rape=bad“ it’s time for them to look at their own roles in the creation of “race=male” and why it is that every woman of color I have read, talked to, interacted with, watched, heard of, all have an extremely thoughtful critique of various issues like Tookie Williams, Leonard Peltier, hip hop, Abu Ghraib, suicide bombers, lynching, etc etc etc’s and yet most men of color don’t even know that Latinas, black women, and Native women are ALL disproportionately imprisoned compared to their white counter parts. Or that Asian women are committing suicide in frightening numbers. Or that our work around rape extends well beyond a “no means no” campaign. Or that the women men do organize with have all probably been on some type of harmful birth control at one point or another. And they’ve all also probably carefully weighed their words at some point or another–considered how they could say something in the “right way”.

It’s time for men to contemplate this in meaningful, thoughtful and transparent ways, with other men of color, with boys of color, with the men that call us bitch, cunt, vendida, traitor, thundercunts, ho’s, nappy headed, ugly.

It’s time to push this thing to the next level, to put your money where your mouth is.

It’s time to push this to the next level, so we ALL can be free.”

— BrownFemiPower

http://culturekitchen.com/quotes/brownfemipower_on_what_it_means_for_women_of_color_to

I don’t talk about it too much anymore, though I remember a time when that was all I could talk about, all I knew, my history of unhealthy relationships, emotional abuse, power and control. Part of me is afraid to remember. I think part of me believes that remembering it could mean reliving it, which would mean I was taking a step backward.

I know there’s something to be said for surviving. That the fact alone that I’m here writing this attests to the fact that I’m a least a few steps away from where I was, that looking in from the outside I’m able to discover things about myself, the people who hurt me, even the events and realities of my childhood that contributed to my conditioning.

A friend of mine who recently ended a long-term relationship with a controlling partner asked me when it stops, saying that even though I’ve been out of my relationships for a while it’s still affecting me. I guess she was asking me, when does it end? How do you go on? And I don’t know. Certain things, like the isolation, the lowered self-esteem, the self-doubt, those things are coming out now as I’m working backwards through the different layers of myself I built up to protect myself. While I know it means progress, it’s hard. I often can’t tell what’s reality and what’s a remnant of my past. Part of my healing process is figuring out how to tell the difference.

While I’m sick of the whole non-profit social service model to deal with domestic violence and empowerment of survivors, I wanted to post the power and control wheel. I looked at it and it was important to see abuse visualized, the show its complexity, it’s pressure and presence.

I want to end this on an upbeat note. To anyone who’s reading this, stay strong. While we can’t do much to change our yesterdays, tomorrow is brand new. We have to get creative about renewing our spirits and healing our bodies and souls. We have to respond as a community of survivors and people who believe in change.